I have to share a little something with you all that you may not know about this blog. It takes money to run. It’s not a majorly significant amount, but it is paid as a lump sum once a year. It just so happens to be that that annual payment is due in just a couple of weeks.
In the midst of my husband’s pay decrease, the start up of school expenses, getting prepared for winter, and all of that jazz, I found myself discouraged. We have been falling back into financial trouble, and as I wrote about before, that causes a lot of anxiety which can quickly lead to depression for a person like me.
This time was no different. As I kept getting emails saying that my blog domain was about to expire, I actually went so far as to tell my husband that my blog was over. He was more than willing to do what needed done to pay for it, but I argued against it. “No one cares what I’m saying anyways. I mean, my views have decreased drastically, I’ve been so discouraged lately, no one cares. I’m just kidding myself.”
I got so bad that one night I woke up at about 3:00 a.m. and just sat and bawled. I had no idea how we would come up with the money to pay to keep my blog going and that was extremely upsetting. Not only because I want others to benefit from my writing, but primarily because of how much writing helps me.
But that day, when my husband got up to get ready for work, I just sobbed. I told him that I couldn’t do it anymore. I told him that I was so overwhelmed with all of the different rolls I’m trying to play and that I just needed to give up.
Aren’t those amazing words? You can find them everywhere in Scripture. People find themselves in a horrible situation and then it says, “But God.”
This may not be a huge “But God” moment for you, but it sure was for me!
After my husband left that day, I walked to the computer having decided that I would put an end to my blog. I quickly checked on some things and realized that for the first time ever, I had actually made some affiliate income! For those of you who aren’t bloggers, you may not know what I’m talking about, so let me explain. One of the way that bloggers at least try to break even with their blogs is by putting up a few advertisements for products. If someone buys one, that blogger gets revenue.
I purchased my domain 1 year ago and haven’t made a cent. I’m not in it for money by any means, but it would at least be nice to not lose money. That day though, when I opened up my dashboard I discovered I had made $5.00! The tears started up all over again and I cried out to God, “God! Someone cared enough about what I recommended that they purchased it! Thank you for at least showing me that someone has cared.”
Next, I checked my email and received an awesome message from the owner of That Noise Is Mine. She was responding to an article I had sent to her to be published. While I was thrilled with the fact that it was a paid post (my first one ever), her words made the tears intensify. It said, “Wow, this is amazing. Well done! I am completely honoured that I get to publish this.” Such a simple statement, but it spoke to me.
What Her Message Really Said
Her message didn’t just tell me I had done well. It told me that I mattered and that people do care what I have to say. It told me that I can do this and that my blog is worth fighting fore. Even more than that, it told me that I am worth fighting for. All of the crazy moments I go through are worth it! And it is amazing that God has allowed me the opportunities that I’ve had.
At that moment, I started actually praying and asking God if He wanted my blog to continue if He would help me find a way to make it happen.
Not long after that, I received an opportunity to compete in a competition with a $100 cash prize. More than enough to cover my expenses! I don’t know yet if I will win or if I won’t. But let me say, I have complete confidence that God wants my writings to continue and He will make a way to do it.
What Does This Have To Do With You?
I just wanted to say, when you feel like you’re just done and you have to quit, don’t! Push yourself just a little bit more. Don’t try to go a mile. Just try to make it another step. Because sometimes, that one step will have just the motivation you need to keep going.
I also need to say, speak kindness! Kirsty’s simple kind words meant more to me than the money ever could have. Please remember as time goes on to tell others thank you. Applaud them when they do well, and show them that their work matters!