As a mom of four, most people aren’t surprised when I say, “I’m just so tired.” But oftentimes, they look at me like I’m insane when I refuse an offer for a nap. I get a solid 8, sometimes 10 hours of sleep at night. I’m not sleepy. I’m just tired. And it has very little to do with the amazing blessings I call my children. Instead, it’s caused by poor mental health.
I’m Tired Of Overthinking
Each and every thing I do is met with a bazillion questions, even hours or days after the task is done. I’m tired of trying to decide what’s for dinner because I have to ask myself, “Does everyone in the house like that? If they don’t like it, am I a bad mom or wife for making it anyways? What if they just don’t eat dinner? When is the last time we ate that? Is it bad to have the same thing twice in a week? Does it take too long to cook it? Is this healthy enough? Why didn’t I make a meal plan this week to make this easier?”
Constantly questioning yourself this way over and over and over again thousands of times a day makes a person tired. And sleep doesn’t help. In fact, laying down a nap is just the perfect opportunity for more questions to pop up. And it’s tiring!
I’m Tired Of Bouncing Back and Forth
Suffering from both anxiety and depression is a whirlwind sometimes. One minute I’m feeling an extreme need to be perfect and worrying every second that I’m not good enough. The next, depression takes over and I just don’t care anymore.
I am tired of the up and down of emotions. The highs, and the lows. The panic and the calm. The fear and the abandonment. The insomnia and the oversleeping.
I’m Tired of Expectations
While I have been blessed with many who love and care for me, I sometimes find myself exhausted by trying to meet their expectations.
I’m tired of pulling myself out of bed to take the kids to the pool or the playground.
I’m tired of getting dressed up to put on the “perfect” image of the happy go lucky assistant pastor’s wife.
I’m tired of faking a smile so people don’t ask “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why can’t you be happy?”
Sometimes, just trying to meet everyone’s expectations is exhausting.
I’m Tired Of Just Being Tired
I have fought against the “monster” in my head since early childhood. Sometimes, a person just gets tired of fighting the tiredness. I don’t like having no energy.
I hate using every ounce of strength I do have to keep my head above water. I strongly despise the look of sadness in the eyes of my family when I just can’t fake being happy for a few days.
I’m tired of being tired of fighting anxiety and depression. But guess what?